Did we just forget?

Many of times, my relationships gets too dragy to some point that we forget exactly how it felt like when it all began. Some said its time to move on to the next level or exit. In fact, when is the next level? Some local romeo or juliet I know will say, when it all feels right. They cannot logically explain but state that feeling plays a major part of their decision. Some of them has the planning stages set. They pre-plan their union, child birth, financials and how a lifestyle would be. However, are these the byproduct of civilization? Insurance, bank savings, investments, properties, education, health care, wedding ceremony and so forth. So much of these, but I don't see many Malaysian practise pre-nuptial agreement. Anyway, is civilization a good thing to embrace in our everyday lives? Ok got a little carried away here, let me get back to my blog.

(*2) When a relationship gets to a point where we don't remember how both parties used to feel then we are at a junction to re-evaluate our personal objectives. Sure it was fun and exciting in the first year of relationship. In fact it was damn exciting, taking in account the experience of infidelity. Marriage and wedding that, was loudly announce by mondaybluer, only plays a mere part in legality suddenly becomes a ceremonial tradition symbol to uphold by - mondaybluer! Why the sudden change? Is mondaybluer influence by the mass lot? Or mondaybluer finds no single friend to occupy activity and time to exercise thoughts with ideas.

Immediately reading the first paragraph, I put the blame on myself. I set the wrong expectation and took many (so many become much) decisions. Consequently causing harm or hurt to people near me. I do not deserve the company of such fine people like mondaybluer.

Financially I was -ve and was recovering. It was difficult to stand back on my own two feet to walk not run but just walk. You may never understand if you have been in my shoes. Given such difficulty, my job comes into focus but monthly pay cheque only manage to provide me with enuf to survive monthly. Lucky would be just zero by month end. This in turn ushered me to take on foreign projects in order to earn the extra allowance to brush away debts and allow monthly extra. However with the initial -ve accumulated, the extra only helps to reduce that. Leaving for foreign projects renders mondaybluer alone for weekdays. Complains come not being able to spend time with and so much claims yet no savings. Why? Because of debt to S/C and car. If I am back local, doing local stuff, I may have not enough to remove financial debt I have.
Do extra work as freelancer, that will be very bad because I have to work double hard to earn slightly better than current pay. There is no other way are there? Left right, up down all like stuck!!!

Most of the time during meal times, silence prevails our presence. Mondaybluer will go, you have nothing to say? I will go ask questions and tell stuff that may not be of interest. It gets difficult to actually discuss about work life and the mass lot comes into perspective repeats paragraph (*2). You see how it is connected to one another?

What is there that is missing between us? Did we just forget about our past? Was what we did in the past comes and haunt us in the present? Was it a curse that was behold upon by some individual that has created such outcome?

I guess of all I have said, I will certainly blame my own self for all that I have done because I know its not that easy for mondaybluer to admits own mistakes or even see. Perhaps I maybe wrong, I shall have no right to judge but to pray for mondaybluer to find happiness and as well as see. Perhaps this is what I term as LOVE?